Alone.

Throughout my life, i've felt loneliness. Incompleteness. The need for something comforting. Need for others to constantly surround me. To have someone's presence beside me assuring me that they're there with me too. I'm always being told by other brothers and sisters that the Lord is right beside me. Always. Every single step, every single second he's right there beside you. I know that nothing but the Lord's presence and love can give me an undeniable feeling of wholeness.

However, even if i'm surrounded by other brothers and sisters, i still feel alone. Like everyone, i need compassion. Understanding. Once during confession, the father told me that the desire not to be alone wasn't so bad. He said it was a good thing to want to be with others. Having an incomplete family, most of all partly broken, as i look around at other families, they seem joyful. They seem loving and not afraid to show their love for one another. Not afraid to show care. My own family struggles with expressing our feelings towards one another. If it's not just all of us, then i guess it's just me.

Why my own family? Aren't they supposed to be the closest people i could ever half in this life? I always think in situations where you're dared to come out of your comfort zone is to just let go and DO IT. When can you have other chances like those do you have in your life? To come out of your comfort zone and live it and show the lord what you've done for him. Stop holding back and just do it. No matter how uncomfortable no matter how twisted it may seem go for it. What have you got to lose?

I've been pulled apart from everyone else's routines. Pulled away from my own routines. I'm placed in places where i can observe my environment. Observe this world. Listening to my sisters. Listening to their hurts, worries, concerns. Praying that they keep their hearts strong. And for brothers praying that they will remember to protect us. Remember to become leaders to the ones around them. That the holy spirit may work through every single one of us as we struggle and fight in the battle. my worries and fears and concerns are lifted up to the Lord. I know that my prayers are being heard. I just have to be patient and keep observing God's beautiful work.

But, is it too selfish to ask for company? maybe once in a while. So i know i'm not fighting this battle by myself. I'm tired of seeing the same situations over and over. I'm tired of hearing and seeing other sisters hurt. I'm so tired. I feel weakness in my faith just crawl up and brutally embrace me. I'm not sure if i made any sense. This is difficult. Lord please be with me. Please embrace me. Please lord i ask. I only want you.